Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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