this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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