By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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