sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
