OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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