one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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