Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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