Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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