you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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