we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
