I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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