I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
