Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
what day is it and did you see me today?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
