He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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