And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
