I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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