just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
