see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Less talking, more tequila
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize