You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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