is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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