she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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