I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
