Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
