I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i scared a bird with my dick
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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