The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
