i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
