Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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