I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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