I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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