The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
