Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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