i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
