woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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