What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
