Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
