Need sex. Gaining weight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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