tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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