i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
