So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There r osticjed everywhere
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
