She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
