I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
