I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
