How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
