Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
