you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
