Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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