i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize