also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
