Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
