so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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