I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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