What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
