Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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