Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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