i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He kissed a someone with a penis
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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