I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
