tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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