I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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