I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
