Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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