look no pants
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
we should paint friendship bongs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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