so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
