my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The air was thick with penises
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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