i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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