Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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