Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
